The Art of Marriage ~ Part 3 ~ Love Dances

Love Dances

    Marriage is like a dance, is what we learned about next. Men and women have different roles and responsibilities in marriage. Men are called to sacrificially "Love and Lead" their wives. Women are called to respect and support their husband.
   
     Love and Lead is my husbands new mantra. In dancing, it's the man's job to lead the lady around the dance floor. He isn't supposed to rush her or push her but gently guide her. He leads by giving clear signals for direction change and is there to support the lady. He needs to be technically capable to lead the dance and he must help her to have fun and enjoy it.
     It's the same in a marriage. The husband is to take the spiritual lead in the family. He has the privilege of loving his wife as Christ loved the church. The husband is to rule over his wife in his leadership role, but for him to ultimately fulfill this calling it means he is to sacrifice himself, his dreams and his desires all for the sake of his family. To do this he has to know his wife, to nourish and cherish her. Some take offense at the thought of their husband being head over them but want a 50/50 relationship. I find it very freeing. My husband being head of our family has the burden of moving this family forward in the direction God would have us to go. Our decision to homeschool, or move, or take another job. We made these decisions together but ultimately he had to get before the Lord and make the decision. I trust him and his leading.

     My new mantra is "Help him and Cheer him on". A wife is called to be the helper in a marriage. A helper doesn't just mindlessly follow, doing whatever she's told. A helper goes forward with vigor to come alongside her husband, her partner and willingly does what she needs to do for the family.
     I am also his biggest cheerleader. My husband gets self-worth from the job he does. A man's biggest fear is failure and they need that confidence from their wife to know they are going to succeed. Everyone makes mistakes, but you can encourage him as he does his best to lead. Cheer him on!

     We need to show respect for one another and try and fulfill the roles that each of us have been called to. We need to admire and cherish one another. Grow spiritually with each other and make your husband or wife top priority after God. Husbands strive to lead you wife sacrificially and lovingly. Wives strive to honor and support your husband.    

Chores, Chores and More Chores

I Need Help

 Chores are an everyday event. My 5 children are ages almost 5 - almost 16. I had a brilliant idea a year ago, my children need to help me more. I would give them chores every once in a while. Ask them to do things as needed or just pick up after their little brother.
 Their little brother was so good at helping when he was 2. He put everything in the trash, including bowls, cups and spoons. Then, one day he just started making a path of toys, trash and crumbs everywhere he went. I need help!

5 Days A Week, 5 Children
  After asking the Lord for strength, wisdom and endurance, He gave me a great idea, along with the Duggars motto of "Many Hands Make Light Work". My children are old enough to have regular responsibilities around the house. As a homeschool family, we are always here. We eat breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks at home most days.
   My preschooler is always on the move, dropping toys as he goes. He used to love to unroll the toilet paper completely off the roll and when he could reach the bathroom sink, he loved to turn the water on and leave it running. He is still a little mess maker, but I am training him the way he should go and one day he'll get it. As for the others, there are a few things that happen everyday, Laundry, Dinner and Dishes. I assigned my children a day of the week. ReRe is Monday, Cy is Tuesday, Tado is Wednesday, CJ is Thursday and JJ helps me on Fridays. Everyone helps pick up the Living Room before Dad gets home, everyday. I get the weekends and everyone helps with a quick cleanup on Sat. I only gave them a few jobs to begin with, I didn't want to overwhelm them. They were jobs that I could help them manage.

How much allowance will you give me?

"Mom, how much money are we going to earn for doing these chores". I hear these words alot. I have wannabe shoppers in my family. I don't mind rewarding for jobs done well. We used to have a "General Store" with small prizes that they could earn for doing small jobs. This General Store had gift cards to a dollar store, little pet shop, polly pockets, earbuds and lots of candy and tattoos. It worked until they got older and wanted cold, hard cash. The only thing I ask is before they can earn a prize or money, they had to have their room clean. 

Making Progress With Pinterest
 We have kept this pace for about a year. Even after a year, I will still have to remind them it's their day and to bring down their laundry, but it was OK. Then, I saw this wonderful idea on Pinterest, a chore door hanger. What a great idea. They would definitely help with the bathrooms and floors, if I asked and asked and asked, but mostly it was on me. When I saw this chore door hanger, they were asking their children to do more things than I was requiring of mine. Hmmmm, they have time for a few more chores. I am only asking them to work one day a week and if they each do a good job, it makes it that much easier for the child after them. I'm going to do it.

A Load Off My Back 
I may have given them a few too many chores, but it's a work in progress. I gave them 

1. Their Laundry (they bring it down, I wash it and fold it, they take it up and put it away)
2. Make dinner (I am encouraging them to plan a balanced meal and follow directions, I help the younger ones)
3. Take out the recycling
4. Clear the table (save leftovers for Dad's lunch)
5. Wipe off the stove
6. Wipe off the counters
7. Load the Dishwasher (I unload it in the morning)
8. Shine the Sink
9. Sweep Floor
10. Clean their Room 

  It is only one day a week and everything doesn't always get done, but it's a goal. This week I added a sheet with times on  it. I went to a homeschool meeting and they were talking about areas that homeschoolers show weakness; time management and timed testing were 2 that stood out to me. If I can help them make achievable goals, it will only help them in the future. 

  So far, it is working. I read in MoneySavingMom (a blog I love) that she wants to keep her house 15 minutes from having someone over. That is the expectation that I have for my home. I want it to be 15 minutes from having someone over. My brother-in-law is usually not in the area, but called and asked if he could bring a friend over. I said, "Sure". He was right down the road, but because my children had been helping out, I was 15 minutes from having a home that I felt comfortable welcoming someone into. That's why we work as a family, so we can be hospitable to others. 

 

Thank you, Pinterest

 

A Sunday Moment

Today we talked about Numbers 23:19-20.

 19 God is not a man, that He should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent; hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?
 20  Behold, I have received commandment to bless: and he hath blessed; and I cannot reverse it.

 I was so happy to hear that God is not a man. He is not limited to this earth, space or time. He is eternal. God shared some of what He is when He made man, but thank God, He is not a man.

 God is not a man that He should lie. He can't lie, whatever He says, It Is. If you are wearing a blue dress and God says it's red, It will be red (this is just an example from the speaker. I am not diminishing my God down to a God that does parlor tricks, but it is just an example that if God says it, He will do it. He does not lie like man has a tendency of doing). God is God. He spoke everything into existence, with just His spoken word. With just a breath, he breathed life into the dust and we were alive. He is an almighty creator that sits on His heavenly throne blessing us and waiting for us. We were made for His pleasure and we are the apple of His eye. You are the apple of His eye. He loves you like you were His favorite and He is a big enough God, that we are all His favorites. I am so happy to hear, God is not a man!

The Art of Marriage ~ Part 2 ~ Love Fades

Love Fades

Our second session was Love Fades. Love can fade for different reasons, a natural drift, differences or weaknesses or sin. It never starts out that way. There is hope and joy of sharing ones life together. Then, life happens and some couples don't continue to make their marriage a top priority. This culture has conditioned us that our own happiness should be #1, our own selfishness.

What has caused you to drift?

Genesis 3:1-16 paints a picture of what is happening in the Garden of Eden. The serpent comes to Eve and asks the woman, "Did God actually say, You shall not eat of any tree in the garden?" Eve said, "We can eat of any fruit of the tree, except that one. If we eat of it, we shall surely die." The serpent said, "Surely you shall not die, but your eyes will be opened and you shall be like God." So, the woman saw it was good for food and took the fruit and ate and gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.

The results of their sin were...Shame, Guilt, Fear, Blame Shifting and Battle for Control


We have fallout today, as a result of this sin. Another result of this sin was marital conflict. Do you blame your spouse or do they blame you when something isn't done right.  Is there a battle for control in certain areas of your lives. Do you feel like you fight over the same things, all the time. Do your arguments start over something small, then grow. There is a spiritual battle occurring within marriage, but there is an enemy and it's not your spouse.

 Ephesians 6 says,
 ¹¹Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
 ¹²For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
 ¹³Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

• We need to learn how to resist that natural drift in marriage

• We must take responsibility for our own sin and reconcile with God.

•  The sacrifice of Jesus allows us to live in peace with God and others .

• You must learn to walk each day by the power of the Holy Spirit in order to stay close to your spouse.

Above all, make Christ the center of your life and marriage and make your relationship with your spouse a top priority. Plan a date night. Find things that you have in common and enjoy them together.

Not a Fan

Are you a Fan or a Follower

I have been watching this video series at church. It's about a man's life that was changed after having a heart attack. He went to church and said he was a Christian, but outside of church, he didn't look any different than anyone else.

Have you heard the saying, "You may be the only Bible that some people read". People are watching our lives. They listen to what we say and how we say it and they watch how we handle situations and people. If you are professing to be a Christian, will people outside of your church walls know it. This man Eric wasn't happy with what he saw after having the near-death experience. He made some very radical decisions he felt God was leading him to make. Most of all, he discovered that Love is what makes the difference. You can do the right things and say the right words but without Love, I am nothing (I Corinthians 13:2)

In some areas of my life, I am only a fan. I could always show more Love. Jesus isn't looking for fans but followers. Followers understand that:

• There is no forgiveness without repentance
• There is no salvation without surrender
• There is no life without death
• There is no believing without following

I am going to examine my life and I'm making the decision to be a Completely Committed Follower of Jesus!

To learn more go to not a fan

When Pigs Fly: A Reality Check for wives ~ A friends post, must read

When Pigs Fly: A Reality Check for Wives

The Art of Marriage ~ Part 1

    My husband and I went to the Art of Marriage seminar this weekend in our area. It was phenomenal! It was just Friday evening and most of Saturday. It was a 6-session video seminar. You never know what to expect. Was it going to be like sitting in a class, who likes lectures, raise your hands. It wasn't like that at all. It was teaching us how God created this institution to reflect His image and His love. Our intimacy is to glorify God through our oneness.
     At the end of each section, we answer questions that prompted conversations we hadn't even thought to talk about. How God has a purpose and plan for us? What it really means to be committed? It makes you question, if there are areas of your marriage that you have drifted apart or are there areas of conflict in your life and how do you connect again.
     By Adam and Eve rejecting God, our relationship, intimacy and unity with God was broken. Sin now infects and affects everyone. The result of that sin was 3-part:  

• Pain in work
• Pain in childbirth
• Pain in marriage relationships

Instead of completing each other, they were competing with each other. They were blaming each other. There is still that spiritual battle going on in marriages today.
    The whole seminar pointed us to God and having Him in the center. That is what every marriage needs. We must learn how to resist the natural drift of isolation in marriage, and take responsibility of our own sins and ask forgiveness. We must realize the sacrifice of Jesus and walk in His Holy Spirit to live in peace with others and stay close to our spouses.

Have you asked Jesus to come and live in your heart?
Have you asked the Holy Spirit to fill you?

If you haven't please say this prayer.
      Dear Father, I now believe that Jesus Christ is Your only begotten Son, that He came to our earth in the flesh and died on the cross to take away all my sins and the sins of this world. I believe the Jesus Christ then rose from the dead on the third day to give all of us eternal life. Lord Jesus, I now confess to You all the wrong and sinful things that I have ever done in my life. I ask that You please forgive me and wash away all my sins by the blood that You have personally shed for me on the cross. I am now ready to accept You as my personal Lord and Saviour. I now ask that You come into my life and live with me for all eternity. Father, Jesus- I now believe that I am truly saved and born again.

 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. Romans 10:9

Blogging 101

   Blogging 101

 I had no idea how much time went into blogging. I started blogging to hold myself accountable for the things I am involved in, homeschooling and the need to get my house in order. My husband got me to start this blog because he has heard me talk to other moms and encourage them. He said, "You have wisdom to share with other moms, for no other reason than you have been doing this for a long time. People can learn from you and be encouraged." So, I started this blog also.
    For Homeschooling, my preschooler was getting left behind in his studies. I am running my teenagers here and there. I am getting my preschooler to watch a movie while I help his brother and sister with school. Poor guy. He has learned his shapes and colors from his workbooks and his phonics from LeapFrog. Some things he learned from some other cartoons I wish he had never learned. Blogging about his day, has made me come up with fun things to fill his school week. Most things we do aren't traditionally educational, just reinforcers. He's only 4 and wants to have fun.
    For my house, I was just tired of looking at the clutter, feeling like my house was closing in around me. I figured if I blog about it, not knowing if anyone would even see my blog, it would hold me accountable. I was going to post pictures of my journey and work against the deadline of 100 days. I am praying for that fine balance to get everything I need to get done each day. I know eventually, I can write posts ahead of time and publish them each day. Right now, it's a little everyday.
    If there is something you have been wanting to do, but haven't made it a priority, blog about it. Open a blog account at www.blogspot.com   Come up with a clever name and start writing. Blogger has cute templates you can pick from and its all free. Please take your own pictures and write your own original material. If you like the ideas of someone else, most bloggers are happy to have you link back to their site. It has really been that easy.
It is time consuming but it has made a difference these last few weeks in my preschool and my home.